If you'd asked me a few months ago whether I'd make it to this point, let alone write these words, I would've shaken my head in disbelief. Tonight, as I sit on a train heading to a New Year's gathering with former colleagues, I'm still grappling with the strange reality of what today turned out to be. The year had simply been too brutal for me to imagine this year's ending. Yet, here I am, writing these final words, a few hours before the new year, with a sense of accomplishment I could never have anticipated.
For context, as I shared in one of my recent posts, I went through the most challenging and devastating year of my life, and relevant for this post, lost weight and subsequently a fair deal of physical strength. But, as the gym eventually became my refuge these past months, leading to what I like to refer to as a diabolical comeback, exceeding any of my past lifts, I set myself a goal I admittedly saw as unrealistic and far-fetched at first: a +75kg (165.4 lbs) weighted dip. At the time of setting this planned PR, I was sitting at a one-rep max of +60kg (132.3 lbs).
Yet, somehow, and I still struggle to fully comprehend that myself, I made significant progress these past weeks, setting a new PR each week, until I hit +70kg (154.3 lbs) for three reps a few days ago. Somehow, I got myself to the point of actually having a realistic chance, and to be honest, that alone would've already sufficed for ending this year on a positive note; nonetheless, I wanted to try and lift the set +75kg.
Today, I woke late this morning, tired, feeling a bit sick-ish. But I was determined: I was going to do this lift, regardless of how I felt.
In the gym, I was met with a small audience, and one of my good friends participating in this apparent PR day, which fueled me with additional motivation. I was excited and slightly nervous, though, in a positive sense. Despite me already having been pleased with how far I got, reaching a point of having an actual chance, a necessity to make this lift began emerging; I needed to make this lift. Somehow, I started associating it with truly having made it through this year. And, additionally, this lift would mean the biggest metaphorical middle finger I could give it.
I began my warm-ups, at first using only my body weight, then going up in weights: +25kg (55.1 lbs), +50kg (110.2 lbs), +65kg (143.3 lbs).
And then, at last, the +75kg. Three of the thickest plates in the gym, with the look of them together being the initial motivator to wanting to do this lift. I can't tell how visible it was from the outside, but I was shaking when I got into position for what I considered the "rep of the year". The last time I tried +75kg was a few weeks prior, just to see how they felt at this point in time, with me barely being able to get them down in a slow and controlled manner.
I hit play on the song I chose for this rep and this last day of 2025: From Can to Can't sung by Corey Taylor. There is no correlation between this year's events and its lyrics, I simply associated its overall makeup with this year's course. The slow, melancholic, and bittersweet-sounding buildup to the solo almost felt like the perfect soundtrack for the entirety of what this year turned out to be.
With the weight strapped to my belt, I waited for the solo to hit, and then went in for the dip; and I straight-up couldn't believe it, which is clearly visible in my expression when I went up: it felt too easy. I didn't fight my way up, I didn't struggle, it was, ultimately, just another weighted dip. I was flabbergasted and just kept repeating my disbelief. But I also couldn't stop myself from grinning, as I hadn't felt this excited in over a year.
As it straight-up didn't matter anymore, having already achieved my goal, I was going all in, trying +85kg (187.4 lbs). Though, this was truly far-fetched, and although I managed to go down slow and controlled, I couldn't get all the way up. I decided to go down 5kg and try +80kg (176.4 lbs) for my final lift of the day. And to my absolute disbelief, once more, I actually managed to do one weighted dip with +80kg attached to my waist.
I went into this day with one goal: doing one weighted dip with +75kg, which seemed highly unlikely to actually achieve in the beginning. Instead, I left the gym today having done one rep with +80kg. If this isn't a perfect, bittersweet end for this year, I don't know what is.
Reflecting on the painfully brutal nature of 2025, I guess my key takeaway remains: not all is gone. And perhaps, that's what matters most in the end. It's a beginning, of sorts, I guess. And sometimes, maybe, that's all it takes.
At last, once more, I want to wish you, dear reader, a Happy New Year; a better new year. And a massive Thank You to everyone who made today possible. If it wasn't for the genuinely most awesome and supportive community I was blessed with becoming a part of this year, I wouldn't be here, writing this post.