Metamorphosis

It took me a long time to write this entry. I struggled not only with finding the right words to begin with, but also with the question of whether I want to share more personal stories on my professional website. In the end, I decided to do so because I've always loved reading about the people behind their work. As an artist, opening up feels like part of the art itself, as part of "the deal."

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In my over twenty-five years on this planet, this past year has been the most catastrophic I've ever endured. It introduced me to a kind of emotional pain I never thought possible, one I certainly never want to experience again. It broke me in ways that left a mark; a scar I will certainly carry for the rest of my life.

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Naturally, this had a huge impact on my art, as I stopped working on personal projects almost entirely. The last sculpture I created was The Sandow, late last year, which was more of a practice piece than anything else. I had actually planned many new projects for this year, none of which I even managed to start. That only added to the heaviness of life and made me feel like I was failing.

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As things only worsened, I made the decision to stop doing art for the foreseeable future, at least outside of professional work. I haven't touched my tablet or a pen in months, and even canceled subscriptions like ZBrush. This was the first time in seven or eight years that I truly stopped being creative.

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Instead, I turned my focus inward. For the first time in my life, I began taking the gym seriously, making it an integral part of my daily routine. After a period of serious weight loss, I managed to rebuild myself, becoming heavier and stronger than ever before.

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Now, as I write these lines, I finally feel motivated and inspired to wield my stylus again. But it feels less like continuing and more like starting over. I won't return to my abandoned projects. Instead, I want to reinvent my art and redefine its theme.

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This year, for all its sorrow and suffering, has been integral in helping me discover my "art language" and personal style. I'm still experimenting, but I feel closer than ever to understanding what I want to create in the future.

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As part of this new chapter, I also want to revive my website and social platforms, especially this blog. I'm in the process of redesigning the blog page with filters and categories, since I plan to post more regularly and share more diverse content: from anatomy studies to tutorials, or even short essays on whatever relevant topic crosses my mind.

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If there's one lesson from 2025 so far that feels worth sharing here, it's the importance of taking a break. For years, the idea of pausing my art made me feel like a failure. Being forced into a break was painful, but it showed me how distance can actually nurture creativity and inspiration.

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I want to close this entry with a quote from someone I had the pleasure of meeting this month, a person who helped me find my footing again and reconnect with myself:

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"Don't blame yourself for past decisions. At the time, you made them with all the information you had."

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